Learn From Your Mistakes

Some time ago I’ve decided to go back to my first love – teaching.  I was given the opportunity to, once again, share what I have learned in school to some college students.  As an added bonus to this new blessing I found new friends at work and was able to build friendship with some random strangers.

Despite of my busy schedule I still took some time to share happy moments with my new found friends.  I laughed with them.  I worked with them.  Serious or not, for business or for pleasure, their company was awesome.  Until I realized that too much of something is bad enough.  That no matter how I deny it I am guilty of overdoing it.  To the point that I was already hurting the only person whom I owe everything that I have right now.

I thought I was Wonder Woman That if I can joggle several jobs I could also balance everything in my life.  I could.  But not all. There are things that I need to let go and things that I need to retain.  Now I’m faced with a dilemma with an added painful truth that I am not that lucky enough to be blessed with the best of both worlds – love and friendship.

Friendship.  That’s how I label this one problematic side in my life.  Surprisingly, outsiders and other third party onlookers do not see it that way.  Is it them who are malicious or is it me who is paranoid?  Whatever is the reason for this confusion, it’s certain that something is wrong.  I tried hard to solve the problem which I thought was a simple problem of letting the world accept that a man and a woman can be friends and no more than that.  Then I realized it was easier said than done.  The problem was far more complicated than Calculus or Quantum Physics or Materials Chemistry

As I tried holding on to what I thought was an extra challenge in my life, that if I succeed in retaining it I’d be able to let the world know that they are wrong, I was faced with a crumbling personal relationship.  How sensitive of me not to feel that the people already close to me were already fed up with everything I didn’t see it coming…

Fighting for my new found friendship, though unnecessary, was done.  Then I realized I was fighting on my own.  Added to that was the fact that all of a sudden I became the number one malicious antagonist in the play of our lives.  Despite of countless attempts to pacify things I was misunderstood, ignored, left in solitude, and was made to feel NOT IMPORTANT.  Unfair! Brutal! Heartless!

With this realization, I kept fighting.  To gain back the kind of life that I used to have before I let newcomers join my life.  I was happy.  I was contented.  I was loved.

Lessons Learned:

1. Never invest too much emotions on anything.
2. Expectations aren’t met sometimes.
3. Don’t expect a whirlwind affair (even friendship) to last for long.
4. Choose wisely.
5. Sacrifices are never necessary when relationships (love or friendship) are for real.

At this point in my life, I can say that I am terribly hurt.  I feel betrayed.  Battered.  Most importantly, I have never felt so alone…because even if someone is still there for me, I feel that I have given him more than enough reasons to be just there physically but with no more heart Ask me what happened to that thing I fought for?  Nowhere to be found.  Left me fighting as a one-woman army.  Ignored me.  Just because it cannot withstand the blows of life it went back to its shell.

Time to forget the people who hurt you, who left you, who abandoned you…time to make it up to the people who matter most…time to earn back my life…time to move on.  I’m ready to go back to square one and start anew.   Draw my plans again.  Rekindle the love that I almost lost.  Stop wasted dramas over people who since the start considered me as pampalipas-oras, an entertainer, their personal clown.  Someone who cannot stand by you through thick and thin is never worth your time.  And bring myself back on track….and this begins in 10…9…8…7…

Game On

This past few days I would say that the statement, “Time flies so fast”, is an understatement.  I just smile each time I hear other people say this.  But I so don’t like it if I’m personally experiencing the truthfulness of this cliche.

At work, clients come and go.  Assignments come and go.  Tasks come and go.  Deadlines come so fast yet the pile of work never decrease in number.

I am someone who completes a monthly schedule at my most organized state and completes a weekly schedule at my busiest and most disorganized state.  Imagine me completing a day-to-day schedule…Need I say more?  To top that, I used to work strictly for 5days a week only; that is, Monday to Friday for at most 12 to 15 hours a day.  Nowadays, I’m working almost 24/7.  If there’s such thing as 25/8 I could have gotten a schedule for that too.

Just like work, people come and go.  Every hello’s mean a lot to me.  But I really hate goodbyes, much worst is parting time without any goodbyes.  I used to think that parting only hurts if you’ve been with someone for such a long time…I was wrong.  The feeling was much worst when you get to know the person in such a very short span of time, shared genuine laughs with the person, had a great and countless fun times with the person, and then all of a sudden he’s gone.  What’s sicker than that is when you know the person is just there but can no longer share good times with you for some selfish crappy reasons.  In that case, you can’t help but think – was it all for real?  or was everything for fun only?  It felt so good that you enjoyed a lot and you can’t help but think that it was all for real.  But dropping you in just a snap makes the whole thing appear soooo superficial, so fake, so shallow.

Combine all these and who wouldn’t get a headache? The roller coaster ride of emotions is soooo much for me to take.  With no one to COMPLETELY share the whole thing, the whole ordeal, your heart will surely feel bloated and battered.   Makes me wonder how many neurons have I wasted already.  I’m not someone who easily gets dark circles under my eyes.  I don’t even get eyebags that easily.  But with all these, I look harassed.

“First things first”, I said to myself.  But how can you get the priority tasks done when here comes another new set of tasks which needs to be done quickly?

“Business first before pleasure”,  I also said to myself.  But I sometimes find myself crying over a pile of never ending work and over people who I need to give up for some reasons.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not complaining.  But I only have one appeal:  one stress at a time please   I can’t wait for me to get all these done and over with.  When that happens,

1. I’d surely go to a spa or a salon and pamper myself.  I can’t remember when was the last time I had a massage or facial.

2. Visit a doctor for a much-needed long overdue check up.

3. Nourish my soul – go to church, read, and bring back all the good vibes.

4. FALL IN LOVE again.  That will surely complete everything.

For now, let me park my cursor here and get back to work before sunrise catches up with me.

Different Faces of a Drink

I noticed that most people choose their drink according to different basis.  Fun people usually choose “wholesome” drink and may sometimes choose the colorful ones.  The adventurous people choose the ones I personally call “never-heard” drink which may fall into categories like exotic drink or wild drink.  Pa-safe people are those who settle within the boundaries of softdrink, iced tea, juices, shakes, and the likes. Whatever your taste buds like, as long as your drink doesn’t give you stomach trouble, it’s approved.  After all, it’s never a sin to try a new one

Here are photos of drinks that I’ve encountered as I hop from one resto to another…take note, I said “resto” NOT “bar” Wholesome ey?

IMPORTANT REMINDER: Don’t drink and drive.

CHEERS