I wrote this one lazy Saturday afternoon. I had nothing to do. I didn’t want to go to the mall (himala!). I just felt like my head is about to blow up with all the things that I’ve been thinking and experiencing these past few weeks.

Change. I can’t seem to understand why people can’t embrace that. They keep on thinking that the previous me is still the same me. People change – either for the good or for the bad. The main purpose is to cope with life’s never ending cruelty and hardships. So why can’t they just deal with it? Why won’t they stop believing that the once goodie goodie girl who used to be very obedient and nice and kind is now turning into one of their kind?

The world poses an environment where the strong wins and the poor in spirit loses. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game. So if you’re always good, you’re no good.

I have lots of plans for my life in my mind right now. Most of them are travel plans. I also have wealth-building plans. I haven’t accomplished anything yet. It’s like I’m building a dream house. The most recent status: I’m still buying the materials needed and saving up to buy even the most expensive material.

I used to dream not just for myself. I used to dream for people I love. I thought sharing is loving. And what you’ve sown is what you will reap. But I was wrong. My investments returned zero returns. I failed…

To give up is not in my vocab. After failing, I’m still moving on. No matter what, the show must go on. Amidst all mocks, in the middle of all trials, despite of all troubles, against all odds, I will always stand firm and strong.

As the song goes, I may be one, but I’m not alone. Someone is just there watching over me. And even if all the people in world accused me of false stories, I won’t mind…because in the end, the truth shall prevail.  And the Divine Law will always impose fair justice.

I am very angry…furious to be exact. Believe me I always punch my pillows countless times in a day. Why? It’s because of THEM. The liars, the envious, the crabs, the pigs, the losers.

Then I realized, why should I get affected? I noticed that each time I react the allies come to the rescue and then none of them would say anything, least accept even a thing. It’s very obvious that they are just trying to steal my thunder…to break me down…to bring me down. So why waste even a calorie of energy getting angry because of those losers? They are just pieces of junk who will never be in the same level as where I am now. Not that I’m boasting but:

What can the Princess of Halitosis do to me? I’ve already threw her out of my place escorted by the Police.

The pigs are no match to me wherever we go.

The man with the rotten mouth is definitely a loser. He’s just so funny that he will say bad words against me and yet he will come to me begging for his allowance and other school needs. What a pity!

So why waste energy and time and words and cellphone load with those kinds of people? They’re worthless! That’s actually easier said than done. I’m naturally amiable. So it’s somehow new to my system if I don’t get along well with people. But I guess I’ll just have to accept that the world is actually a jungle full of predators. And the most dangerous trap is DECEPTION.

I just can’t understand why these people won’t leave me alone. I’ve already bid my goodbye several times but still there they are rocking my world. Since they’ve accused me of counting the things I heartily gave to them before and I just fulfilled their prophecy, why is it now that they’re making me look as if I’m the antagonist here? Well, maybe it’s their defense mechanism.

Everyday, I live a very very busy life. Shuffling my time so I can be of great service to my 3 jobs. Then here comes these people who are so bored with their life that they have nothing else to do except ruin other people’s day. Tsk! Tsk! Why don’t they just get some life? I guess they’re acting that way because they haven’t brought me down yet. You’ll never win scumbags!

This Christmas, my only wish is for these people to just live their life, to pay me accordingly and professionally, and to start living life by the truth.

We can never hide what we truly feel inside. No matter how we sugar coat our words. Things will always show up on our faces. Keeping them within us, is like keeping a bomb inside. Eventually, it will still explode and the effects are more devastating.

I’m not sure when will this chaos end. Every day, I must learn how to be tough…how to be strong…and how to become someone whom I wasn’t before. I have to…To survive.

If anyone from my list of enemies come across this post, I’m sure they will laugh. I’ve just given them the idea that they are indeed getting into my nerve. Right! Slowly, I’m eating them…so that eventually, a part of me will become a perfect match to them. But still, there will always be other portions of me that will be far better than them.

I won’t ask anybody some suggestion about how to clear up a dizzy mind. After all, when you’re wrestling with your own self, you’ll just end up more confused if you let other people join in the turmoil. The saga of winning life depends on your own disposition. It is a matter of how you responsibly decide and act on matters involving you and other people.

It’s futile for me to ask for these things to end. It’s just wishful thinking. Life is naturally a constant struggle to survive. And without the antagonists, there will be no protagonists. The drama called life won’t be that interesting without any conflict. These may be very frustrating. But on the lighter side, this is just a beginning of another chapter that teaches one how to be strong.

One very important lesson that I learned from this chapter in my life: I am not here in this world to live up to other people’s expectation. I am not here in this world to abide by their norms and standards. I have the right to stir things up. As long as I’m not hurting anybody, as long as I’m doing my responsibilities, the brighter side of life will always be on my side.