The title of this post exactly describes what I feel right now…what I feel lately…what I feel for the past weeks…or months…I’m tired…and I’m sleepy.
It’s been months since I laid down on my bed on or before 10pm. Perhaps the earliest time I went to bed to sleep/rest was one in the morning. And I can no longer recall when was that…Lately, I’m drowning in a pile of work making me sleep early morning of the next day…ALWAYS!!!
Those pile of work…sigh…my fault…my choice…Things should have been better and healthier for my body if I didn’t make the wrong choice. Choices that ruined my plan. Ruined plans that brough about problems.
The choice I made was due to, I must admit, self-vested interests. My false way of living up to the idea of maximizing one’s time led me to this difficult life. My goal of reaching my dreams and getting the things I need/want at a shorter span of time took a great toll on my lifestyle and health. I shouldn’t have put material things and Earthly cravings became the center of my life. I am killing myself…and pushing away the only people who care and love me.
I had more than enough. But there was no sense of contentment. I was scared of re-experiencing the past yet without me knowing it, with my wrong moves it seems like I’m bringing my paths back to trails heading to my dark past…
Can I do this? Yes, I can. My spirit and my flesh can do it. But not for a long time. And for that, I shall bear the hardships that I personally brought to my life lately. I guess I’ll have to endure this misery for 4 agonizing months. After that, I’ll no longer return to this battle field.
I pray for more strength and God’s intervention. With HIM I know that I can do everything. Nothing is impossible for and with HIM.
HE led me to the greenest pasture anybody can dreamed of. But I was more than greedy…thinking that I would get everything that I need in just a snap of a finger by abusing the body God gave me. I was wrong…and now I’m facing the consequences…I am really sorry 😦
Because of being stubborn and having a heart full of vengeance I am destroying my life. It is killing all the best that I am yet to experience. Four months to go…afterwhich, I shall take the path that the Lord prepared for me…and never will I ever walk astray…