It’s Good Friday and I’m sitting here in front of my laptop…just when I said I won’t open my laptop for the whole Holy Week.  I guess I just have nothing else to do and sitting whole day whole night watching TV is not my cup of tea.

Manang said I needed some time alone.  So this Holy Week should be the best time for me.  She was right…err wrong…maybe right…Sigh…I guess am confused…

CONFUSED.  That’s the word that best describes me lately.  What’s it gonna be for me in the next months?  Are my dreams shattered?  Is there any way out?  Can I still stop everything from getting ruined?

RUINED – now that rings a bell! I remembered how organized I was…But then my weakness is I get easily influenced by people who are having a great time with life because they are disorganized.  And I wanted to be as happy as they are…I wanted to enjoy life as much as they do…I wanted to break all rules just so I can find what happiness means.  Then all of a sudden, I got all my wishes granted…almost granted.  One should really be careful when making wishes because they might really come true.

Present status: CONFUSED.  I sincerely am CONFUSED.  I want to make this stop.  But I am very very tired to think of ways how to stop myself from being confused.  CONFUSED. TIRED. Now, I know why…

I don’t want this next biz.  I am contented with what I am having.  Yes, I wanted to earn more.  But it should be well-prepared.  I must know everything.  We should all lay down our cards for all of us to see what’s gonna happen to us in the future.  It isn’t that difficult is it?

I’m just doing what I’m asked to do.  Even if I know nothing, I must know it.  When I’m tired I can’t be tired.  I tried to speak up and luckily I got the chance to speak up…yet they never listened.

Can I do this?  Yes, I can.  But I’ve got to know what’s going on.  Because in the next month or so, I am not like him who can easily find a way out.  He has his family to feed and that makes his position more difficult than mine.  But no big difference…It’s difficult for both of us.

How can I ever make him listen?  God help me…

I’ve been through more difficult situation than this so I know I can survive…But why suffer them again?  I don’t deserve that!

I’ve got to do something…